The president of the law office is sitting at his desk in a foul mood. He looks at his watch for the dozenth time, then looks out his office window at the dark night skyline of Manhattan. He grumbles furiously when the patent attorney saunters into the office carrying his briefcase.
Boss : Well you took your goddamn time getting here! And what's all this business about meeting at this time of night when the building's deserted?
PA : Sorry for the cloak and dagger bullshit, boss. I just thought the less prying eyes the better. We're working on the deal of a lifetime, afterall. Better to have absolutely no witnesses.
Boss (slightly mollified) : All right, so what's going on with the whole shrinking formula deal? Its been 3 days.
PA : It's all set boss. The farmer's been bought out. And the Arab's sweet on the deal after I showed him our little orphan girl. Says he'll pay us a million up front for an exclusive supply of pretty living dolls, at 50 thousand dollars a head. Also, 50 thousand a month for a gallon of formula. I figure we'll make about a million dollars a month. All cash!
Boss : That's roughly 20 girls a month! Where are we going to get so many pretty young girls?
PA : This is New York City, boss. The streets are filled with starving actresses, singers, models, and dancers from all over, looking for their big break. We'll just set up a talent agency as a front and reel them in. Let's celebrate with a drink. Don't move, I'll get the bottle out.
The patent attorney opens the boss's liquor cabinet and starts to pour their drinks, making an inordinate amount of clinking noises. After what seems like a long time to pour 2 drinks, he hands the boss a glass of scotch and sits down on a nearby chair holding his own. They raise their glasses in a toast and drink deeply.
Boss : So the farmer sold the formula, eh? And did he take the 50 grand we were prepared to offer?
PA : Not exactly, boss. Actually, when I was up there negotiating with him, I noticed he lived way way out in the sticks, just him and his wife. No kids, no farmhands, nobody. So I spiked their coffee with their own formula.
Boss : What? So you shrank them down? Then what?
PA : Well, it seemed a shame to let a nice newly plowed field go to waste. I just planted those 2 in the field to continue their life's work growing beans. And of course I took the formula recipe.
Boss : As long as it doesn't get back to me, I don't care. At least you saved us 50 grand. I want you to hand over that formula recipe right now and...wait, what's going on?
The boss is realizing that the patent attorney is growing. Or rather, that he is shrinking. Soon he is just a tiny sqeaking doll-like figure jumping up and down on his leather desk chair. The patent attorney scoops him up and puts him in an empty glass olive jar. He caps the jar and holds it up to his face with glee.
PA : You little shit! Do you think I'm going to share a million dollars a month with your fat ass? The days of you running my ass ragged are over! Now I'm going to finish my drink, then walk back to my tiny little apartment in Brooklyn. In fact, I think I'm going to walk there one last time, before I buy a shiny new cadillac with my Arab friend's money. And while I'm crossing the Brooklyn bridge, well clumsy me! I may just accidentally drop this little glass jar! Nothing to do but watch it bubble and sink into the stinking East River.
He then puts his briefcase on the boss's desk and opens it. Inside, the tiny secretary lies demurely.
PA : We've got it made, baby. I make a bundle of cash, and you'll be living it up in an Arab oil tycoon's palace. All the dainty food and drink your tiny heart desires, and all you'll have to do is rub up against some flesh once in a while. He's an old man so I don't think it'll be too often. Still, a life of luxury for a former orphan. And after a year or so, he'll probably let you grow back to normal and send you home with a big bag of cash as long as you promise to keep your mouth shut. At least that's what he told me. Now spread those shapely legs one last time for big daddy!
FIN