Naturally, when they did. I was woefully unprepared. But I could not let anyone know. You know the rules. If the winner doesn't claim his prize within three hours of the announcement, the little lady goes to the next called number.
I was just returning from a camping trip in the Pocono Mountains of northeast Pennsylvania when I just happened to check my phone. Driving as fast as I could, I just made it to the embassy in Manhattan with ten minutes to spare. Naturally, she was a stunner. I must have been stunning to her in a completely different way. I had massive B.O., my hair was disheveled, and I had bad breath from an onion bagel and lox breakfast. I was the furthest thing from those poised and polished winners who show up in tuxedoes. The staff of the embassy was not impressed. However, I explained my predicament and my ticket was unquestionably valid, so.
I signed the papers. I accepted the congratulations all around. I went to kiss my prize and she almost fainted from my halitosis. Charmed she was not. But she had no say in who won her, she was just to do her duty of boosting Lilliputian/human relations.
My car was unbearably hot and my airconditioner quit twelve miles out of Newark. To say I had a happy camper on my hands would be a gross overstatement.
At last, we were home. I placed her on my nightstand while I hastened to take a shower, comb my hair, and especially brush my teeth! I put on my nicest suit.
"That's more like it!" she said enthusiastically as I bent to take my second kiss.
"What can I do for you, my queen?" I asked as I fell to one knee.
"Well, Gulliver; it has been a hot and sweaty day all around. I could really use a bath!"
I searched High and low for the perfect receptacle, then I remembered the gravy boat an old girlfriend had left behind!
"
