
Phobetor
By BTB
Part 1-"Bad Dreams"
Slept like shit again.
The dreams. Same ones I have every night. Same one, I should say. Horrible, and suffocating. The details change slightly from one night to the next, but it's basically the same nightmare. It always ends the same way.
I find myself in some small, dark, nondescript room. That part never changes, it's always the same blank, black walls. The same dingy floor. The same dim, buzzing light overhead. I don't know how I got there, but I do know I'll never leave it in one piece.
All of my body modifications, tattoos, and scars are gone. I wonder how that's even possible. Like my dream-self only manifests as some unblemished version from an alternate, better universe. I can tell this because I'm not wearing much. Nothing but enough stuff paper to hide the stuff that needs hiding. At least my subconscious respects my modesty, if nothing else.
In this latest dream, there's a bulky wooden chair, oversized to the point that my bare feet don't make contact with the floor. My ankles and wrists are secured to the arms and legs of this chair with what looks like thick cable. It's impossible to wiggle free. My abductor had to have used a machine to bend and twist the cord around my extremities. There's no way anyone on earth had the strength required to do so by hand. I'm not going anywhere, and I feel lucky, despite my growing anxiety, they didn't crush my bones in the process of restraining me.
I sit there in a daze. How long have I been there? Minutes? Hours? Days? Who can even tell in dream time? The way there's never any true narrative to your nightly journeys. How things just come at you as your brain tries to make sense of the previous day's events in a way that frustrates any attempt to find logic in what it creates. If you find a beginning, a middle, and an end to a dream, it's because your waking, logical mind has decided to piece one together. Humans see patterns where there are none. Humans like structure. That's what scares the most about these nightmares. Once they start, there too much structure.
Early on, the suspense of what I know is coming has me sweating in my seat. It's been so long now, weeks turning into months of having these nightmares, that anymore my dream-self just seems...bored with it all. These dreams never end well for me and I just want to get the really bad part over with. I suppose that's why my brain makes the waiting period stretch on, longer and longer each time. Just squirming and sweating and wishing for my tormentors to get on with it already.
A familiar, husky, domineering voice erupts from nowhere in particular... and somehow everywhere at the same time. Who are they? I still don't have an answer for that question. My own superego? Some manifestation of guilt stemming from a relationship gone sour in years long gone past? That's what my therapist tells me. Could be. God knows I've burned more relationships than General Sherman burned cities during the first Civil War.
Not that any of it really matters. It's only a dream, right? Again, what my therapist keeps telling me. Easy for her to say. She isn't waking up in the wee hours of the morning screaming at the tops of her lungs. My downstairs neighbors must love me.
"Good evening, Ms. Crandall. I trust you slept well?" The disembodied voice asks dryly.
"How many times do I have to tell you? Ms. Crandall is my father's name." I don't know why I think the joke will land this time when it never has before.
"My name is SuperVixen!" I tell him for what feels like the hundredth time. I know it sounds ridiculous, and yes, that's exactly the point. Sue me.
As usual, the voice's owner ignores my correction. Their cadence slow, deep, emotionless. Distorted slightly by the staticky audio system. I wonder why they still use such outdated tech, shit left over from the early twenty-first century. Maybe it's to obscure his voice, but one could easily do the same with a novelty voice modulator, bought from an arcade vending machine. Does my unconscious world not have vending machines?
Or maybe ... as I keep telling myself... it's all just dream logic, and it only has to make as much sense as I want it to. I'm the one who's obsessed with antique tech. That's why it's coming through in my subconscious.
Why do I sit around pondering these things so much? Well, it's the sheer lucidity of these dreams. When I'm having them, everything feels as real as if I'm actually experiencing it. I can smell the heat and moisture in the air. I can feel the pain of my restraints crushing my joints.
I can feel.
Before a couple of months ago, I don't remember feeling much, if anything, in my dreams. Hell, I barely remembered them once I woke up. If I was falling, I woke up before I hit the ground. If I was having sex, I woke up before I got to cum. No imaginary satisfaction for this girl. Shit. It goes to show you how much deep-seeded self loathing I must harbor if these are the reoccurring dreams I have to suffer through and not the ones where I get to a have a rucking orgasm. What do you think of that, Dr. Langtree? I think I made a breakthrough!
What follows the mystery voice's initial, ominous greeting is what turns these dreams into so much more bad dreams. Night terrors would probably be more accurate. This isn't some kinky fetish that I'm only recently learning has been scratching away at the back of mind. Trust me, I've explored. The reason I wake up at four in the morning, every morning, bathed in sweat, my heart racing like a hummingbird on Speedy Gonzalex, is the interrogation.
(For those reading this in the distant future... or distant past if we somehow develop time travel... who I guess would also be from the future. Fuck, time travel makes no sense... Speedy Gonzalex is a combination of crank, cocaine, caffeine, and a touch of fentanyl for flavor. Many don't survive the first dose, but those who do are never quite the same afterwards. Nothing can match the high. So I'm told, anyway. I micro-dosed once and immediately blacked out and woke up in the hospital. Sorry, kind of a pointless tangent, I know.)
(Also, I’m aware just how scatterbrained all this reads. It should give you a good idea of my state or mind these days. Just bear with me. Anyway, where were we?)
What I'm trying to get around to is... I know... inevitably... I'm going to be tortured. Without question and without mercy. And I am going to die.
The moment I become aware of where I am, I know it's coming. Those black walls can only mean one thing: that the kind of pain that can drive a person mad is well on its way. And oh yes, those who want to argue that you can't feel pain in a dream, I would beg to differ. I too thought you were supposed to wake you up the moment that pursuing monster sinks its fangs in. Just your meat computer's way of sparing you from the sting of the imaginary bite. But not me, not anymore, and never in that awful, dark place.
"Tell me about the Triad Dimension," the voice demands.
He starts out calm. Calculated. Almost friendly, in a twisted sort of way. But the more I resist them, the more the interrogation intensifies. The less patient he gets. He gets louder. More demanding. I pretend I don't know what he's talking about, but that's an outright lie. I know exactly what he wants, but I give him absolutely nothing.
And I don't know why.
It's like... I realize we've done all this before. This is just... our thing. And because of that, I know whatever they are about to dish out I can handle. That's the thing about torture, after a while... you either break... or you kind of just get used to it. In my waking hours, I wonder why I never just give them the answers they want. It's not like it matters if I feed my own id.
"Fine," I tell the faceless voice, "I'll tell you if you just let me go!" Would the dreams stop if I just told them?
"I'm listening," the mystery man says, gruffly.
"The Triad Dimension is... Tridi! The girl who does my hair! You like it?" I've been at this so long that I'm running out of witty false names to give this asshole.
"We grow tired of your games, Ms. Crandall. Just answer the question."
While the torture is an inevitability, the method in which they do so is where my mind really shows off its creativity. I'm starting to think I keep holding out because I'm curious to see what I come up with next... what they do to me.
In this most recent nightmare, their newest method begins as a low, almost imperceptible heat beneath me.
"Who are The Triad Dimension?" He demands again.
"It isn't you?" I snark back.
Warmer.
"What does The Triad Dimension want?"
I shift in my seat. "Isn't that some old new wave song?"
Even warmer.
"Who are The Triad Dimension?"
"Ronald McDonald!"
I feel hot. Sweat tickles me as it drips down between my thighs.
"Who are The Triad Dimension?!"
I'd been waiting to whip this deep cut out, "Michael McDonald?"
Why don't I just tell him?
Hotter still.
"Who are The Triad Dimension?!"
"Old McDonald had a farm, ee-eye-ee-eye-oh... oh OH OH OH HOLY FUCK!!!"
With each dodging reply, the heat intensified. At first a slight discomfort, but even that was short lived. The very chair I'm tied to actually bursts into flames. The burning sting of licking flames envelope me whole. I feel my skin bubble and split from the devouring blaze. The smell of propane and smoke fills the air, then mixes with that of my own cooking flesh. The noxious fumes my own body is producing make me choke.
The pain is... excruciating.
This time, I almost tell them the truth.
Anything to make this stop.
Why don't I?
And then I wake up. Chest heaving, bedsheets soaked with sweat. Feeling like I might have a heart attack. A sense a hint of sulfur still lingering in my sinuses before it quickly fades away like wisp of smoke from a struck match.
4am. Just like always. Gotta get up for work soon.
My therapist has been little to no help. I tried a physician, hell, even a fucking cyberhypnotist. In case you're curious about the latter, don't be. That shit is absolute fucking nonsense. All I got out of it was hefty bill and single decent nap. I'll call him back if I ever need a novelty act to perform for a fucking birthday party.
As far as my actual doctors are concerned, neither seem especially worried. They just prescribe me a new cocktail of weak prescription drugs to try out after each holocall. So far none of them have helped. Not even getting black out drunk, something I'm especially talented at, has saved me from these nightmares.
I've got to get a handle on this before...
...before I go insane.
End Part 1